Procrastination

That didn’t take long now, did it? Three weeks into graduate school and I’m already suffering, I’m behind on my reading in one class (in my defense, I’ve been to the bookstore SIX TIMES and they still don’t have the book), have papers piling up and....

I’m a procrastinator, in EVERY sense of the word. It actually got pretty bad as I was finishing up at my last job.  I’d wake up, go to the gym, shower, eat breakfast and get back into bed until 1:57, knowing that I had to be at work at 2. 

My SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) from middle school to the present

Due date -3 months: I get the syllabus and see that I have a 2500 word essay due.

-2 weeks: The professor goes over the paper, explaining what they want and how to get it done

-9 to 3 days: I've got time. I’ll get it done. I work well under pressure!

-2 days: I’ll do it tomorrow.

-1 day: I’ve got my sources and everything all ready. Let’s do this. Turn the TV on for background noise and... GOOD EATS MARATHON OMGWTFBBQ NOTHING IS GETTING DONE!

 -14 hours: CRAP! GOTTA FOCUS! CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!! Damn you Facebook! (no, I'm not talking with anyone or doing anything vital, but something could happen, and how would I know without hitting the ‘Refresh’ button every five seconds?)

-10 hours: Sacrificial rites to the patron saint of lost causes, because I’ve got an astounding 100 words written

-8 hours:   Break time! Grab a “quick snack” that turns into multiple plates of random foods (because I can’t decide what to eat, but I can’t focus when I'm hungry). Flog myself for waiting until the last minute and fight the urge to take a post snack nap. Swear to never procrastinate again as long as I live

-5 hours:  Write the paper, using as many block quotes and space-consuming graphs as possible

0 Hour: Turn it in. See, that wasn’t so bad. Forget everything I just experienced. Go out for beer (soda) and hot wings because the multi-page literature analysis due in 4 days can wait.

That is the problem. I always manage to get the work done, but never without making myself six kinds of crazy.

DON’T LAUGH, YOU KNOW IT IS TRUE!

But I suppose that I‘ll have to break out of the habit eventually. I’m trying so hard, but the universe is just against me! There’s a paper due next Friday. The topic is simple (at least when compared to the first topic from the same course), and I already have most of the information that I’ll need.  I sat down on Monday and tried to start it, but just couldn’t. Starting a paper 13 days before it’s due?! NEVER!

At least I considered it.  In high school, I’d never have even THOUGHT about considering starting more than a week ahead of the due date.

Basics of IDC

Finally, something about IDC and NOT me whining or ranting. Kinda refreshing, eh?

Sitting in my classes, I definitely feel like I’m in over my head. There’s a lot of history and politics and finance and unwritten protocol that I just know nothing about.

Three weeks ago, I sat through my first UIDC (Understanding International Development Cooperation) course.  

*Heads up, I am NOT a teacher, an expert, a specialist or any of those other things. I’m a student and then some, I’m learning this stuff in class and trying to summarize it so you understand WTH I’m talking about as time passes*

Like many “industries”, there are multiple sectors in International Development Cooperation

Education, Health and Social Services, Governance, Disaster and Emergencies, Humanitarian Assistance, Global Partnerships, Climate change and so on and so forth.  All of those are individual sectors within groups and aid organizations.

POP QUIZ! How many of these acronyms can you identify:   

DFID, USAID, IDC, ODA, KOICA, PO, NPO, MDG, FDI and OEEC

*Answers are the end of the blog*

If you’re like me, you can probably guess three or four. That was just from the first day in class. Felt like I walked into the middle of a conversation. Ouch

There are two types of “aid”, to be exact. There’s humanitarian assistance: aid and action designed to save lives, alleviate suffering and maintain and protect human dignity during and in the aftermath of emergencies.

Then there’s development aid, financial aid given by governments and other agencies to support the economic, environmental, social, and political development of developing countries. It is distinguished from humanitarian aid by focusing on alleviating poverty in the long term, rather than a short term response.

What I intend to focus on is “development aid”, stuff to help the nation in the long run.

So far, the stuff we’re discussing in class is just the framework for development. There are tons of organizations and companies and entities involved.

The basic idea is that you work in either the public or private sector, for profit or not-for-profit, in the field or in the office.

Public sector tends to be government organizations. Private tends not to be. For profit means working for money (profits). Not for profit and non-profits (Yes, they are actually different) don’t work for cash, they tend to run off of donations and whatnot.

In the field is pretty straightforward: you’re in the field. You go out to whatever place you’re working with.  In the office is pretty straightforward as well; you work in an office, you’re a desk jockey.

I’ve not yet decided if I want to stick with public or private sector, but I know I want to work for-profit and in the field. The idea of a desk job makes me sad. Even being confined to a classroom (and not an office typing away all day) was soul crushing (God only knows how I did it for nearly five years, especially when you consider that I never wanted to be a teacher).

As for the specific designation, my goal is disaster and emergency response. (The aim of emergency [disaster] response is to provide immediate assistance to maintain life, improve health and support the morale of the affected population. It also may involve initial repairs to damaged infrastructure. The focus in the response phase is on meeting the basic needs of the people until more permanent and sustainable solutions can be found.)   But I don’t think I want to help with the response itself after the fact. Planning seems like a much better (and more effective) focus; I want people to know what to do BEFORE disaster hits.

 On a more personal note: sitting in class and studying this stuff is actually kinda scary. Can't remember the last time something made me so... unsettled (?). I hesitate to raise my hand because I don’t want to look stupid. I actually (no joke) asked my professor if I could have my paper back because I thought it wasn’t good enough and I wanted to do it again later. I don’t second-guess myself, though. I just straight-up don't trust my instincts.  I’ve lost count of the times I’ve decided something and then done the opposite because I thought I was wrong. NOW, that’s only with me. I’m hella good with other people, I’ll know if you’re worth it or not right away. It’s me, myself and I that I’m still on the fence about. 

*Props to Wikipedia for all the definitions, because I’m not that scholarly to be able to pull these definitions outta thin air just yet.*

Quiz Answers:

DFID- Department for International Development

USAID- United States Agency for International Development

IDC- International Development Cooperation

ODA- Official Development Assistance

KOICA- Korea International Cooperation Agency

PO- [For] Profit Organization

NPO- Non-Profit Organization

MDG- Millennium Development Goals

FDI- Foreign Direct Investment

OEEC- Organisation for European Economic Co-operation

Church Hunting

Yes. I go to church. Finding one has always been a bit difficult for me, and doing in here in South Korea is no different. Even my “home church” in the US (different from the one I grew up in) wasn’t really that great. It just got the job done.  It was somewhere to go on Sunday.

What is a home church? Well, for me, it’s a place where you go to worship and fellowship and all that good stuff. It’s a place where you feel like you belong and over time, the people become like family. It is NOT just about going on Sunday and staying awake through the sermon (something I’ve struggled with in the last few months), though. It’s about the connections and the community.  

Growing up, my home church was great. There were dinners and events and everyone was “Aunt This” or “Uncle That”. Even now, years later, the idea of ever calling them by name is weird for me.

 

When I first came to South Korea in 2009, the church I found became a really good place for me. It (along with the people) were the reason I wanted to stay on longer. I found friends and got connected to different people and grouped and it was all fine and good. But dynamics change and people change.  I started feeling a bit (really) out of place when I’d go to service or events. I don’t blame anyone and it’s not a bad thing, it’s just that I didn’t have that “fit” anymore, which made my decision to move on that much easier.

Now that I’m in a new city, I need to find a new church. And so the search begins again.

My first week in Suwon, I went to one church. The song list made me think that one of the guys on my last church’s worship team put it together.  It was really nice and the people were friendly (and I found someone who can do my hair *PRAISE JESUS!*), but the church itself just wasn’t my style. It doesn’t help that it is on the other side of town, about an hour away on the city bus. The next week, I went to two churches.

*Detour*

I’m an extrovert, and I need to be around people. I don’t like extended amounts of “me time”. 20~30 minutes with a treadmill or a game and I’m ready to plunge myself back into society. At this point, after having had no meaningful human contact for a few days, I was desperate to be around people. *sad but true*

The second church was much more contemporary and modern. The service was at an international school not far from my apartment. The makeup was a bit more mixed (there were families, teachers and a few students) and the music was great. They played a song I hadn’t heard in forever (Holy Holy Holy), and it made me think of my church growing up. Everyone was really kind. They even gave me a little gift for coming to the service.  But again, it just wasn’t right for me.

The third church, the final one I’ve tried so far, was a totally different kind of service. It was a Spanish-English service.  Yes. There is a Spanish-English church in South Korea. We sang in Spanish and English (and I was grateful that I could remember a bit of my 6 years of Spanish I swore were totally useless), and the sermon was in Spanish and English, as well. Again, very nice, but it just didn’t have that feeling.

So, I know what I don’t want. What do I want? What am I looking for? I don’t really know.  If and when I find it, I’ll know. “Sentimental” isn’t a word often used to describe me. “Feeling” isn’t something I associate with well (heck, I took the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator and got damn near ZERO on the Feeling sector).  But when I find the right place, I’ll just know.

 

IVFC (Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship) is something I considered, but then again, it’s all in Korean. I understand and can speak and blah blah blah, but church is something I want in English.

There’s another place I’ll try next Sunday. It’s run by a few of the professors.  Here’s hoping it works...

How did you find your  home church (or place of worship)? How did you know it was the right place for you?

Culture 101

There are so many things that you have to know about South Korean culture in order to get by. Luckily, I've been exposed to most of what I'll need before, but adjusting is still a bit difficult. This list is just barely scratching the surface. There's so much more, but for that, you'll have to come to South Korea experience it yourself. ^^

Elders

Anyone who's older than you (yep, even a day), is an elder. As I'm a girl, I'd have to call her onni. That's Korean for "older sister". After 10 years difference or so, she usually becomes "ajumma". But most women don't want to be called that. It's kind of like saying "old lady!".

Older guys, are oppa. Again, it's because I'm a girl. There are different terms for men to use with older men and women. Among the Radiant Ones, there are a few oppas, but I just can't bring myself to say it. Why? Because "oppa" is also used as a term of affection. That's the ONLY way I've ever used it (The fact that "hey babe" and "hey big brother" are the EXACT same thing kinda creeps me out). My friends tend to be younger than me, so I'm used to hearing nuna (the male term for big sister), and NOT saying oppa. But I'll have to get on with it eventually and desensitize myself. I live in South Korea.

People who are ahead of you in work or school are "seonbae" (I'm only writing the pronunciation. Not the actual spelling...). I get tripped up because I'm onni, but she's seonbae, So I have to address her carefully. You're younger than me, but in a more superior position.

Instructors

There are teachers ("seonsaengnim"), professors ("kyosunim") and doctors. ("baksanim"). DO NOT CONFUSE THEM. It's like calling someone Mr.Woods versus Professor Woods versus Doctor Woods. As I'm a foreigner, I get a little bit of slack, but it's still unacceptable to call them by name. Don't EVER use the full name of a professor. Disrespect is no joke here. 

When you see them, you greet them. Doesn't matter when or where. They must be acknowledged. And you don't just wave and go "hey, prof". No. You do the bow and "annyeonghaseyo" (hello) dealie. But as a foreigner, again, I get a pass. Head nod and "hello".

Classes

NO EFFING JOKE, MAN. On allowed absence. I'm not complaining, as this is the graduate level, but it's much more stringent than the program I started Stateside. I missed a few days (I think 4, maybe), but it didn't ding my grade. Here, after your first absence, you're screwed. Also, being late twice is an absence. I like the idea, as punctuality is important, but it's still far more rigid than I was expecting (not that I have difficulty with being on time, anyways). 

There isn't much homework (whereas my PUBA620 prof was in love with multiple assignments per week), but the tests and quizzes will kill you. Up to 60% of a grade comes from the mid-term and final. 

What? That's not so bad. Just study hard and you'll do fine. Yeah...except for....

Grading

Every course is graded on a curve. South Korea is obsessed with ranking. Someone must be the best, and someone must be the worst. Do you know what that means? It means that even if every single person gets 100% on their test, someone will get the A and someone will get the C. A C isn't so bad, except that it's a 4.3 scale and a C here is the equivalent of failing. 

Even a few professors lamented the curve and that they have a LIMITED NUMBER OF A's THEY CAN GIVE. It is one thing about Korean education that I despise. If I worked hard and got the points, give them to me. If another student worked hard and got points, give them to him. Don't discount one of us just because of some grade ceiling.

But a bright side is that the limits leave space in participation. Active participation will likely be the defining line in some cases. Being aware of the tight competition for the best grades, students might try to participate more in the hopes that if it comes down to it, the professor will remember that he or she was more attentive and "present" in class and give them the higher grade. Perhaps talking a lot will actually help me, this time.

I'm Official

The graduation and matriculation ceremony was Tuesday, and it sank in. I'm officially a graduate student.

Let me say that again:

I. AM. OFFICIALLY. A. GRADUATE. STUDENT.

Hopefully two years from now, I'll be shaking the Dean's hand and fighting back tears as I recount my experiences in the program and give words of advice to the newcomers.  As I watched each student walk up to the platform, I felt both excited and scared. I was excited because, heck yeahs, that will be me in the future. And at the same time I was, terrified. What comes after graduation? How will my life be different when I graduate? How will I be different? 

We sat through a "short" speech from every graduate, and then stood and took an oath and then left. I got to talk to the others in my program for a while, and so they (the Radiant Ones), no longer seem quite so "unfamiliar". Sure, I'm still quite unsure of myself in my ability to communicate in Korean, but they seem to be understanding and quite patient with me, which I'm very grateful for. Getting to know people isn't one of my strong points.

I also sat through my first class. It was Applied Economics. 

Have I ever told you how much I hate math? It makes me cry. It hurts my soul. Math is why Jesus made calculators and Pocket-Protector Nerds. So, to find out that my econ class would have little to no math made me do a little dance.  All of the professors are really passionate about their subjects, and it comes through in their teaching. 

Afterwards, we went to a welcoming dinner and had coffee. I ate too much (to be expected) and I spoke more with the Radiant Ones, and the topic of the boyfriend came up.

If I were a white girl, I'd have turned crimson. Actually, when I was younger, I'd visibly blush, but it doesn't happen anymore. I was embarrassed because I don't like to talk about "it" or "him" and then there's always the "what??? he's Korean?? OHMYGASSUKIMCH!!!!!!!!!" and the questions that follow.  But, I answered the questions, all the while secretly wishing I could hide under the table. Because inevitably, as soon as I say yes, it gets quiet and all eyes are on me.

The meal was good, the conversation was good. Heck, I even managed to introduce myself in Korean to the elders in the program (I'll explain the "elders" more in the next post). It was a round table-type deal. Stand up, give your name and age, sit down. When it was finally my turn, I covered my mouth and tried to hide my laughter. They clapped a bit and I felt a little better, still nervous about the prospect of using proper language to introduce myself (I've spoken with kids and my drinking buddies, proper conjugation and formality weren't needed). I giggled as I stood up, feeling completely foolish as I spoke. No, really. This is how it went:

Um....hi.....*giggle, turn away*. I'm Kandace. *giggle* I'm29yearsoldnicetomeetyou.  *giggle, hide my face in my hands*

One of the Radiant Ones said I did well. He gave me a 95% (-5 for confidence). Not bad, for a first try.

Day 1

The first day of school was Monday. After years of “teaching” (more like babysitting), it felt strange to be on the “learning” side of things. Sure, you never stop learning and blah blah blah, but this is actual formalized learning. Like, classrooms and books and teachers and tests.

I woke up, ate breakfast, watched TV and went over to campus for my orientation. That’s when it hit me: I was painfully out of place.

I’m different. I know that. South Korea has a relatively homogeneous population (98% Korean), so there’s no way I was fooling myself about that. But being a student, I stand out in other ways. As soon as I set foot on campus, it was skirts and dress shirts as far as you could see. Then there’s me in my jeans and t-shirt, with enough rings for makeshift knuckles, should a sudden brawl break out. Get on the bus and all you hear is Korean and Chinese as people are greeting their friends and roommates.  Walk up to my building and meet the others in my program.....

(I love anime. I will reference it and lots of my other nerd-quirk-habits quite often)

Basically, in Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge,  there's a girl, Nakahara Sunako. She lives with incredibly good looking men who she calls "the Radiant Ones". Radiant Ones because their beauty/perfection is too much for her to look at. 

But anyways, as Sunako would say “The radiant ones! My eyes! Noooooo!!!”

No. I’m being serious. It was like walking into a freaking magazine page. Perfectly dressed well-coiffed madness. I’m not terribly conscious about my style (because I have none, and I’ve accepted that), but hot damn every single person in my program looks like they roll out of bed and shower in fabulous.

And then they brought in pizza and all was right with the world. True story: I’m a fat kid. If I had any shame, I’d be embarrassed about the amount I eat, but I don’t, so I’m not.  Five pieces of pizza later, “being different” and “good looking people” can go die, because food.

We went out for coffee afterwards and it was more than a little awkward. There aren’t many of us (fewer than 13), but it’s a mostly Korean group. Yes, I can speak Korean. No, I don’t want to. As blunt as I am, I do feel a bit shy when surrounded by aesthetic perfection and a foreign language. But they’re kind people.

Me and UIDC

Hey hey~

Me and UIDC. What does it mean?Me and Understanding International Development Cooperation. My graduate school major is international development cooperation. From the all-knowing Wikipedia:

International development is related to the concept of international aid, but is distinct from, disaster relief and humanitarian aid.[citation needed] While these two forms of international support seek to alleviate some of the problems associated with a lack of development, they are most often short term fixes — they are not necessarily long-term solutions. International development, on the other hand, seeks to implement long-term solutions to problems by helping developing countries create the necessary capacity needed to provide such sustainable solutions to their problems.

Basically, helping countries to pull themselves up in the world, but for the long run, instead of just meeting immediate needs.

After about five years off from formalized education, I’m back in school full-time.  We’ll see how this goes.  Now that you know a bit about the UIDC bit, here’s something about me.

My name is Kandace. I’ve not used my true name before, but now you know. I’m from the US, and I’ve always wanted to travel the world. I do love my family, they’re my world, but I think the world is far too small to stay in one place forever. My interests lie in Asia more than anywhere else. I’m a total dork and still watch Japanese anime and yell at the TV when things happen. I play video games and enjoy them. I scream at the TV when my characters die because my medic doesn’t heal fast enough. To say that I enjoy food is a gross understatement. Everything about food just fascinates me. I wake up and think about what’s for lunch as I’m eating breakfast. My favorite channels are FoodTV and Nickelodeon. I look at pictures of food and read delivery and takeout menus for fun. By all accounts, I should be 3~4 times fatter than I am. The reason I’m not: good genes and a love for exercise. (True story: I once rode my stationary bike while eating macaroni and cheese and playing Devil May Cry 4) I really enjoy running and weightlifting.  I like working until it hurts and feeling sore the next day.

Having read that, how old am I? Forget that I’m entering graduate school or that I’ve been traveling for years. If you had only read the previous paragraph, how old would you peg me?  Chances are, your guess is younger than I am.  Not far from 30 and my idea of a good evening is dinner, video games, dancing and drinking (because yes, I do enjoy a drink *or two or three*).  Young at heart? Perhaps. More like painfully immature with far too much to learn.

This blog is going to track my journey as I study IDC and learn more about that and myself.  You’ll find out about International Development, life in South Korea, being a graduate student, being a foreign student, and being a 20-something trying to figure out what’s next.